A change in order?

In two years, a lot changed for me externally. Most of my world turned upside down. Somewhere I hoped that things would change internally as well. All my life, I’ve been waiting to fit in. I changed my home, I changed my country, I changed my whole life. But even in a different country, its the same story all over again, the same struggle to find a place where I really fit in.

I’ve always felt that I am different. My thinking, my choices, my preferences, my actions, everything, sets me apart from my peers around me. I am yet to decide if that’s good or bad! I always thought that some day I would find like minded people and maybe once or twice I did meet people who are nearer to my thinking than others but no one was close to what I expect. Though I am proud of the person I am, I think I stand out in a crowd and probably not in a good way. More often than not, I feel that is a curse because people misunderstand me. After all, in today’s world, first impression is everything. No one has the time or the energy to even try to give another person a second thought. It makes me feel like an outsider every where I go.

Very rarely have I made a real good friend and even that hasn’t changed in these two years. Everyone I trusted turned out to be a transient phase in my life. Sometimes I feel that everyone else changed with time and I didn’t. And that can’t be right. It must be that I’m at fault here. But after a lot of thought, I discovered that I didn’t change at all. Probably that’s the root of all problems! My expectations from people never changed. But people move on and I have a hard time letting go. I don’t take very well to change.

People’s priorities change over time but somehow I don’t see mine changing. Is that weird? Ever since I can remember, I cared about relationships much more than materialistic things. For me, loyalty is above all. But no one else feels as deeply about all this as I do. Maybe that’s why no one really measures up to my expectations.Look at me, sounding all high and mighty! I should learn to liven up 🙂

A change is in order! But can I really change now, after 27 years? What didn’t happen in 27 years, can it really happen in the next couple of years? I wish! Here’s hoping that some change happens and soon!