The fear of discord!

As an individual in a society, everywhere you go, you are expected to “Speak up!” or “Express yourself!” At Ford Motor Company, this is one of the new cultural beliefs that is part of the culture transformation journey that Ford is on! I am sure it is a practice followed not just by Ford but every company trying to give their employees a voice and empower them. But have you ever felt weary of exercising that right? Do you really feel it is a privilege? Or are you like me, fearful of the impact or a potential discord among your peers, your superiors or even your family?

As a general character trait of mine, in my social circle, I am almost always the listener. Many of my peers and friends complain that I rarely call anyone or speak or actively network. It’s almost always because I am never the main contributor to the conversation. When I am asked for an opinion explicitly, I speak. Yet, when among my close circle of friends, however small that may be, almost all my pals would complain that I never shut up! My parents would be the first to attest to that! To be fair, that is increasingly dying down.

The more I grow up, the more I realize the power of listening rather than speaking. Not only do I avoid potential uncomfortable situations, I end up being the go-to person for everyone to come and vent their frustrations or to get validation that they are on the right path! That is always a good thing! Having said that, there are plenty of times when I come across discussions where I thoroughly disagree with the main point being discussed and want to speak up but I don’t for fear of discord. I am surrounded by “Type A” people who sometimes don’t take too kindly to being disagreed with, especially by someone who isn’t necessarily a “Type A”. Sometimes, I am just afraid of saying the wrong thing. After all, a bullet once fired and words once uttered, can never be taken back! There have been countless times when I have regretted what I have said, once I’ve said it, for plenty of reasons.

Although people might say it’s harder to speak up in front of superiors, I believe it is much harder to try and express yourself among peers. While among superiors, expectations are different. Also, there are forums or special situations where you may have to speak up for your superiors to listen. More often than not, these tend to be in the form of anonymous surveys or town halls or public gatherings where you are given an opportunity to voice your opinions. There is a certain expectation or structure to that conversation. How many of us really stand up and express ourselves in meetings with our superiors? Some might say it’s easy if you have great relationships with them. But how comfortable would you be while directly speaking to a Director or a CEO and telling them what you really think? Most of us don’t even get these opportunities!

But among peers, it’s less formal and much more frequent. It can happen anytime of the day. It could be while you are in the elevator or when you are going to the water cooler area or if you have met up for grabbing a quick bite or just grabbing a drink after work! Family, politics, general awareness and sometimes just plain gossip are topics of discussion. It is hard to even name some of the topics that may come up during a discussion. Everyone has their own experience and story to tell. Everyone sees situations differently! For every 5 people who share views, there would be at least 2 who would disagree. How often have all kinds of opinion been really given consideration? More importantly, how often have the people who disagree with a majority, really spoken up and expressed their views? The toughest spot is when you have to speak up because your life depends on it! An example is the group discussion (GD) rounds of campus interviews in colleges in India. You are hired or advanced to the next round based on your contribution. 

In a group of people, if I have a different opinion from the majority and I do dare to speak up, it is almost always met with dead awkward silence or an instant rebuttal. I end up breaking it up by reluctantly agreeing with the majority or standing my ground and arguing that I have a right to my opinion depending on my passion for the subject! When I was younger, I would just say “Free Country” much to the chagrin of some of my friends. In fact, this is a norm with one of my closest friends even today. We have established that fact that there are some things in life that we will never agree on and that’s just how it is going to be for the rest of our lives. Sometimes, if he is talking about something and I disagree, I just say “if you say so” and that’s his cue. With some others, I may not even say that. I just agree. The unpleasantness we feel due to a potential discord is just not worth it.

In the end, it may all just boil down to different personalities. Type A personalities or social extroverts might just disagree with everything I just mentioned and say that expressing themselves is how they can define their personality. They might just say that discord is just a state of mind and that if everyone becomes so conscious, conversations as we know it, would be over! I agree wholeheartedly! We need a balance I guess. To all these people, I say that I am here to balance the odds! Peace out!