I am very close to my 4 year anniversary of my “Return to my birth place”! Most of my life (87.5% of it, yes, I actually calculated it!) was spent in another country, a country that I still call home. Its where I grew up, its where my mother’s memories dwell, its where my father lives and its where my very small family lives. Though I never really feel home sick, if anyone asks me where my home is, instinctively, I say Mumbai, India. If there’s anything that I do miss, its the food, the sweets and the festivals! Among festivals, the one I miss the most is Durga Puja (of course, the Bong in me is quite prominent). For those who are confused, a “Bong” is a slang for someone who hails from a state in India called West Bengal, soon to be called “Bangla”. Durga Puja is the main festival of that state.
So, its been 4 years! Its a cliche but time does fly. Its hard to imagine that only a few years ago, I had just graduated from my bachelors degree and I was debating whether I should go for my MBA immediately or join a job. I had an offer for each. I chose to follow my friends from college and join the same company that most of my classmates did. We were hired in bulk via campus recruitment. Of course, I justified that decision to my parents as well my myself by saying that the Brand value of the company was higher than the brand value of the university that I got the admit from. I still wonder how life would have turned out had I taken the MBA admit right then. Would I have fallen into similar circumstances that made me want to leave and come to the US? How would it have affected my lifestyle?
Its been 11 years since I made that initial decision. Back then, how would I have answered the question “Where do you see yourself 10 years from now”? Am I close to what I would have imagined the answer to be or am I far, far away? When people say life is full of choices and how you deal with those choices, it irritates me. It makes me feel like each choice is a burden. It could pan out perfectly or it could be a disaster. At the very least, it almost always is, life changing. But, we are strongly encouraged to never dwell on the choices we make. We are always told, by family, by friends, by society and even motivational speakers, to make the best of what we have and move on. Keeping with that spirit, I want to talk a little about my time here so far.
Life has been kind to me. America, so far, has been kind to me. It gave me a good degree. It gave me a great internship and subsequently a job. It has given me a home, a car, my very own companion (my dog!) and means to support myself and my precious pup! What more can one ever ask for? I see my father everyday virtually and physically about twice a year. Professionally, I am making my way around. Like everyone around me, I too go through ups and downs on a daily basis. Sometimes work is great and then there are days when I feel like i just don’t want to get up and go to work (in part also because my dog loves snuggling up right after my alarm rings)! But, life goes on. Everyday, an unknown force pushes me to go on every single day.
As I write, I suddenly realize that I don’t sound quite upbeat and optimistic. Let me clarify. As a child, I was never very ambitious. In a matter of speaking, I still don’t think I am. Since I can remember, my life’s biggest goal has been to achieve happiness and contentment. To some, this may seem unambitious because this indicates I will settle for less if I am happy. But, it’s not quite that simple. I’ve grown up in luxury. My parents practically gave me whatever I wanted, if not immediately, subsequently. So my standards of happiness are very high. So you see, in a way, I am ambitious. And my ambitions have only grown in these part 4 years. Something that I had not figured out back in India.
And yet, I am not what one would call an ambitious career woman. I don’t have a burning desire to get to a certain point in my career by the time in 30 or 40 or have any such similar career goals. However, to keep myself going, I tell myself everyday that I need to get to some place of prominence and “soon”. What that place is and when, i’m still in the process of figuring out. In these 4 years, I’ve grown in a way, that I now know what I need, to be happy and content. Earlier, I was a free agent, going with the flow, wherever the winds took me. Now, I still want the winds to take me, but in the direction I want to go. I take that as a sign of progress! My father may not agree entirely but it may not matter as much now.
On the whole, these 4 years have been great! I’ve grown up! Here’s hoping for another great year and celebrating a small milestone of 5 years same time next year!
Musings of a confused nut! 