5 years on…

Today I complete 5 years here in the United States. It’s a small but a significant milestone in my life. I’ve written multiple articles about my journey so far but this small milestone deserves a special mention as well. In these 5 years, I’ve grown like never before. Even though I’m still who I used to be as a child, there’s a part of me (and I’m happy to say, the more dominant side of me) that has matured. I’m my own person and that’s liberating. I’m taking a lot of life’s decisions on my own and that, just a few years ago was a foreign concept for me. I do not, in any way, mean that earlier I didn’t have the freedom to do so.

I’ve always maintained that my parents had a very unique way of raising me. They gave me the freedom to be myself within a certain boundary which gave me the comfort of never feeling trapped by rules and regulations. I have seen parents who controlled the lives of their kids too much and then there were parents who didn’t care enough. But somehow, my parents were perfect (I’m sure every kid thinks their parents are the best!). Earlier in life, I was always closer to my father even though I was terrified of him. My mother would always threaten to tell (whatever wrong I had done during that day) my father when he came home from office and I was terrified that he would thrash me. But on the flip side, we enjoyed a parent-child relationship that I’ve rarely seen among others. We were so close that I could share literally anything under the sun with him and we knew it would turn out to be a fun conversation. As I started to grow up, my mother became equally close to me. I would crave the times when we just sat together and she would tell me stories of her childhood and we would discuss the future in general where she would sneak in life lessons. I listened but couldn’t quite put things into context back then. So, all in all, my childhood was great. My time with family, back home, was great. I was free but protected and hence never felt the need to do anything with my freedom. In the truest sense, I was completely dependent on my parents.

Then, 5 years ago, I lost my mother and within days, my life changed completely. I wouldn’t necessarily call it a turning point of my life but it is something quite close. I left my home and embarked on a solo journey of life. Yes, my father came with me to settle me into my new life and even stayed with me the first two weeks of my new life. It was a very scary time and there were moments I would just quietly cry myself to sleep. That’s when I truly began to feel the impact of the change in my life and that’s what I would call a turning point. That’s when all of my mother’s lessons started flooding back to mind. With time, I started understanding the meaning of her biggest lesson, keeping the outside world at bay, build your inner self and learn to be content within yourself. This one lesson had a lot of hidden lessons within itself. I’m not sure I get all of them even today but I’ve made my own interpretation and it has served me well so far. Her lesson taught me to look within myself for contentment. It helped me build a world of my own where I could retreat to when I needed solace or even some confidence that I can really do it. Instead of feeling lonely and left out, I started to feel happy that I had so much time to myself to do as I please. I did make a few friends along the way but my reliance on friends reduced and I was a much more confident person that I don’t need people to make me feel fulfilled. The outside world has a lot of good and bad in it. My inner world helps me filter these and take in only what I need to take in. That doesn’t mean I have not been burnt. I have. And some of it has left scars that may never heal completely but I take that as lessons learnt and am able to look past them.

I am about to hit 30 this year! At this age, a lot of people around me are freaking out since it’s a big number and a lot of my peers think hitting 30 means getting old. But for me, coupling this milestone with my 5 year milestone, I feel good about myself. I may not be a “30 under 30” superstar or even be where I had pictured myself to be whenever I was asked the question “where do you see yourself in 5 years”. But I know this, I didn’t really picture myself to seriously be anywhere in 5 years until about 3 years back when I was finishing my MBA. That’s when I truly discovered my interests and started taking life seriously to even want to be somewhere in 5 years. That’s not growing old. It’s maturing. Yes, people around me are becoming CEOs and some people in their 30s are running for the President of the United States. Compared to them, I have nothing. But, I have my own little world. I am alive, independent, and extremely loved by my family and my two adorable pups who not only love but depend on me. I have a job and I am constantly trying to grow in my career. All of this means a lot to someone who was directionless just 5 years ago.

My parents always said to me that they thought I wasn’t mature enough. They had themselves matured much earlier in life. That would irritate me because I always felt more matured among my peers. I would ask my mother, when or rather how would she know that I really have matured? Her answer would be very vague and as usual, it’s just now that I truly understand. She would say, one incident alone cannot help judge if I have matured. Time and life’s journey will reveal my actions/behaviors and that’s what will prove my maturity. She always said her job was to teach me lessons and hope I retain enough so she could proudly say she raised a good human being. So yes, in these 5 years, I’m well on my way to reaching a place in life where my mother can proudly say, she raised a good human being.